starting where I am.

"Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates to the strength of Resistance. Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul. That's why we feel so much Resistance. If it meant nothing to us, there'd be no Resistance.”
~ Steven Pressfield

I don't remember exactly when I started my first blog – it was at least 6.5 years ago, and maybe longer. In that period of time, I have started and stopped writing more times than I care to count. I've had phases of really consistent writing, phases of erratic writing, and extended periods of silence. Long posts, short posts, heartfelt posts, silly posts, posts with learnings, posts with intended teachings. E & I even had a joint blog when we were living in New Zealand.

And now I'm here. Reviving my blog. Again. And while on one hand I'm feeling enthusiastic about it, on the other, I'm feeling anxious. Nearly every time I re-start posting on my blog, I set rigid expectations about how often I need to post and what's acceptable to share. I also worry about "failing" again, as I have in the past, to keep up with publishing consistently.

It's yet another project I'll abandon – why start? I'll probably just give up on it again like I have in the past. It's not worth it. Nobody even cares about what I'm writing. This time won't be different.

It's incredibly difficult to get anything done when there's a voice in my head telling me all the reasons why I can't/shouldn't be writing. Resistance, as Steven Pressfield calls it, can be a real bitch sometimes (my words, not his). This post is about owning it, and moving forward anyway.

Dear Resistance,

I hear you. Thanks for trying to keep me "safe" from "failure" – I'm getting back in the saddle despite, and will see where I go this time. I'm going to risk "failing" and "looking dumb" to do what comes naturally to me: write. I'm going to write whatever wants to come out of me, and whatever happens after that will happen. And that's that. Ok thanks. Bye.

- Nic

Sometimes I tell myself I "should" be beyond Resistance by now for X, Y, and Z reasons. But the reality is: I'm not. Resistance is here and it's strong right now, particularly as I get back on the creative horse.

So instead of putting on a front, my intention with this latest revamp of the blog is to really bare it all. I'm tired of thinking I need to tie everything up in a pretty bow every time I write... end things on a positive note... teach some kind of "lesson." I'm going to sit my ass down at my desk and I'm going to write. And see what happens. I have no idea where this will take me (or us if you're willing to accompany me), but I'm eager to find out.

xo Nic

 didn't clean to make the picture look better - here's my desk in all of its messy glory

didn't clean to make the picture look better - here's my desk in all of its messy glory