being a grinch.

Tis the season to be jolly, right? Fa-La-Las and the like? Ummm…or not.

Due to a terrible combination of severe nasal congestion [due to my random allergies], not being able to sleep [because of said stuffy nose], and working more than 40 [total] hours between two of my jobs on little sleep: I was a Grumpy Grinch.

And not only was I a grump, but I was also wallowing in my own self-pity while simultaneously telling myself that I “shouldn’t” be feeling like that, which basically only added insult to injury.

I had a couple of conversations that helped shed some light on my situation. The 2 most valuable pieces of advice that I received were:

1. It’s OK to have feelings that I define as being “negative”

Sometimes I think that I “have” to be or “should” be positive and happy, all day, every day, because I live & breathe personal development. But at this point in my life, I’d be trading in my authenticity to pretend like I’m positive and happy 24/7, and, err, that’s not very personally developed, either.

So, since my main goal [in life] is to be my Authentic Self [all day err’day], that means acknowledging ALL of the thoughts that I’m thinking, and ALL of the emotions that I’m feeling. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to hold a five day long pity party, and in fact, claiming my thoughts and feelings often helps me to set them down and move forward.

My friends also helped me to realize that it was one thing for me to be tired/exhausted from not being able to breathe or sleep, and from working a lot -- but it was different for me to be grumpy, because that implied an underlying resentment that I was carrying around with me.

And how right they were! I was resenting myself for feeling tired & irritated with my damned stuffy nose, and my internal battle turned into grumpiness. I was rubbing salt in my own wound. Ouch. In the future I'll work on turning to self-compassion instead of self-beration [totally a word].

I came across this awesome post while I was researching feeling “not ok” and I really enjoyed it. It really sums up what I was thinking & feeling last week.

2. Stay mindful of my body’s health, and particularly when I’m feeling extra tired or BLAH, slow down to take care of myself

I didn’t heed the warning signs that my body was giving me to SLOW DOWN. Even when I wasn’t doing paid work last week, I spent my “free time” working on other stuff [like blog writing and other action items on my ever growing list of "to do's"] that still had my brain engaged and working hard. I’m still learning how to prioritize Rest & Play in my life, and battle thoughts of time spent playing as being UNPRODUCTIVE. *gasp*

In reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown, she says,

“In today’s culture -- where our self-worth is tied to our net worth, and we base our worthiness on our level of productivity -- spending time doing purposeless activities is rare. In fact, for many of us it sounds like an anxiety attack waiting to happen.”

Bingo, Brené.

That’s exactly what I was experiencing, until I finally reminded myself of her statement. Then I spent some time on Saturday doing purposeless activities like watching Rom Coms on Netflix. :) It was great! Admittedly, it took a few minutes for me to quiet the little voice in my head that was screaming, “YOU CAN’T DO THIS! IT’S NOT PRODUCTIVE!” But once I did, I had a grand old time.

I know I’d benefit from creating some lists of songs, movies, stories/books, quotes, activities, etc. that I can listen to/watch/read/do, that’ll help me to get out of my ruts faster, so I’m going to spend some compiling that list this week. It'll definitely include listening to "Brave" by Sara Bareilles, going for a walk, watching the movie Love Actually, and of course, big time snuggles from my hubsby. :)

To close, I’ll leave you with these entertaining pictures of a terrified and subsequently grumpy little Me from Christmas 1988.

What do you do when you’re having a bad day? I’d love to hear about your process.

x Nic